How many dates before a relationship? Here’s what you need to know
Have you ever been dating someone and found yourself wondering when you could start calling it a relationship? You’re not alone.
This is something both men and women wonder about, especially when asked by friends and family about their relationship status.
After all, if you have been on 3 or 4 dates, are you technically allowed to be seeing someone else without being in violation of some relationship rule that you think is unspoken?
So, how many dates before calling your relationship a relationship?
Follow the 10 date rule.
If you are wondering how many dates you need to go on with someone to classify the relationship as such, it’s about ten dates.
This isn’t just arbitrary number though. There’s some science behind it. Let’s consider the facts.
Based on the fact (or hope!) that you and your love interest are both working full-time jobs, it’s likely that you won’t be able to get out for a date until the weekends, right?
That means that you will likely only see each other once a week to start. By that math, you are looking at about three months of dating someone before you can call it a relationship!
That seems like a really long time.
Let’s say, then, that perhaps you have ramped up your dating because you are definitely interested in pursuing a relationship with this person.
Let’s be generous and say you are dating this person twice a week. That’s still a month and a half!
If you are seeing someone else at this point, it might be advisable to stop and decide which avenue you want to continue to pursue.
Five weeks of someone’s time is a lot of time to “waste” if things aren’t working out. But if you are seriously thinking that this could be a relationship you want to be in, then there’s no rush anyway, right?
Ten dates is a good number because it gives you plenty of time to do different things, see people in a different setting or number of different settings, perhaps you’ve been to each other’s homes, and even met some family members.
If it’s been a struggle to get those ten dates under your belt for anything other than scheduling conflicts, it’s probably not worth pursuing. You’ve heard of the book-made-movie “He’s Just Not That Into You,” right?
It’s a real thing and it works both ways: Men and women alike skip out on things all the time because they don’t want to make others feel bad.
But what do those dates have to do with whether or not you’ll actually be in a relationship at the end of the ten dates?
Well, there are a number of things you can consider during the ten or so dates you engage in.
For example, if your dates are always on the couch watching Netflix binges, you probably might want to reconsider that relationship before it ever gets going.
If, of course, you like being in on a Saturday night, then all the power to you.
Other things to consider include whether or not you’ve met his/her friends and how they acted around their friends.
Are they totally different or are they just themselves and you fit into the group well?
Has your partner been keeping up regularly between dates or does he or she just call the day off and expect you to be available?
That might be a sign of things to come so consider that you might not want to be at someone’s beck and call in a relationship. Those days are over.
Pay attention to the language of the relationship, or potential relationship.
Does your partner include you in their plans, do they use “we” language or do they continually refer to the amazing life they are going to lead…without you by their side.
Does your partner ask about your life and seem interested in what you do and like to spend your time doing?
Do they get angry for you when your boss is being a tool or do they feel sad when you’re not happy?
All of these things can go a long way to helping people realize that they may not want to be in a relationship with someone, even if they make it passed the 10-date rule.
And when you both decide that moving forward in a relationship is what is right for you, don’t put a lot of pressure on the situation.
If you are happy just hooking up or being together when the mood strikes you, that is okay too.
And if you decide that you aren’t happy after 11 dates, well that’s just life. You can move on at any time.
The great thing about relationships is that they evolve overtime and so do the people in them.
If you find your relationship is getting stale and you are bored, think back to your ten dates and ask yourself if you felt that way before?
It might help you avoid making the same mistake again in your next relationship!
(Related: Do you know the strangest thing men desire? And how it can make him crazy for you? Check out my new article to find out what it is).
So, how do you have the “relationship talk?”
For many women, they want to be dating someone for at least 12 weeks before deciding on whether or not they want to be in a relationship with that person. And it goes both ways, of course.
However, just because one party is ready for the talk doesn’t mean that both people are.
Many men say they can tell if they want to spend more time with someone after just a few dates, so there’s no need to prolong the conversation any longer than that.
If things are working, they are working, and they are not likely to stop working just because you put a label on your situation.
How should you go about bringing up talking about being in a relationship with someone?
This is alarming for some people and can be a great source of anxiety for those who have been rejected by people in the past.
If you are thinking about having the talk with your significant other then it’s important to psych yourself up for the possibility that they might not feel the same way that you do, but more often than not, if you have gotten this far in your “relationship”, you are probably betting on a sure thing.
You don’t have to be awkward about it, just bring it up over dinner or when you are just hanging out watching Netflix.
Take the pressure off yourself right away to bring up the “talk” in a majestic way. Just say what you feel and be honest about what you want and need in a relationship.
What will happen when you decide to be in a “relationship.”
The third thing that people want to know is what changes after you cross over into relationship territory.
If you’ve been dating for any length of time and hanging out regularly, then you can expect that not much is going to change.
If, however, you decide that you are going to go all in and move in together or exchange keys, then there are additional conversations to be had with one another.
But if you keep it light and tackle one conversation at a time, nobody will feel overwhelmed, and things will go a lot smoother.
What will change? Well, for starters, something deep inside a man will be triggered when he enters into a relationship with a woman.
When a man’s in a relationship, he wants to stand up and provide for and protect his partner and ensure her overall wellbeing. This isn’t some old fashioned notion of chivalry but a real biological instinct…
There’s a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment. People are calling it the hero instinct.
Simply put, men want to be your hero. It’s a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about. And it’s a desire that goes beyond even love or sex.
The kicker is that if you don’t let him stand up like this, he will stay lukewarm towards you and eventually seek out someone who does.
The hero instinct is a legitimate concept in psychology that I personally believe has a lot of truth to it.
Let’s face it: Men and women are different. So, trying to treat your man like one of your friends is not going to work.
Deep inside, we crave different things…
Just like women generally have the urge to nurture those they really care about, men have the urge to provide and protect.
If you want to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this free video by relationship psychologist James Bauer. He offers several unique tips for triggering the hero instinct in your man.
Not everyone enters into a relationship thinking about it ending
That’s a terrible way to start your relationships, but before you bring up the idea of being together officially, be sure that it is what you want.
Are you getting enough out of the arrangement now? Do you need more? What is it specifically that you think will change or be better if you are an official couple?
Do you feel like you need to justify your situation to others with a label or could you just carry on doing what you are doing and be happy about it?
Sometimes the pressure to have the talk about being in a relationship doesn’t come from a placing of actually wanting to be in a relationship, it comes from the social pressures we internally believe and carry with us, and we feel like we need to meet a certain standard in our love life; namely, being attached to someone.
So do your due diligence in your own mind before you bring up the conversation in the first place. You might be perfectly happy the way you are, and there’s no need to go changing things just for the sake of changing them.
What happens next?
After writing about relationships on Hack Spirit for many years, I think there is one crucial ingredient to relationship success that many women overlook:
Understanding how men think.
Getting your guy to open up and tell you what he’s really feeling can feel like an impossible task. And this can make building a loving relationship extremely difficult.
Let’s face it: Men see the world differently to you.
And this can make a deep passionate romantic relationship—something that men actually want deep down as well—difficult to achieve.
In my experience, the missing link in any relationship is never sex, communication or romantic dates. All these things are important, but they are rarely deal breakers when it comes to the success of a relationship.
The missing link is that you actually have to understand what men need from a relationship.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer’s new video will help you to really understand what makes men tick. He reveals the little known natural biological instinct that motivates men in romantic relationships and how you can actually trigger it in your guy.
New Free eBook: Attraction Triggers
Want to learn how to make a man fall in love with you and commit over the long-haul?
Then check out our free eBook Attraction Triggers.
This eBook has everything you need to know about the predictable patterns that make a man fall in love.
Most importantly, it will teach you practical techniques to activate those triggers in your man so you can build a successful long-lasting relationship.
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Fifth Date: 7 Things You Should Be Looking For By This Point
Whether it’s the fifth date , third date or second date , one thing is non-negotiable; there has to be some sort of connection! If there is no vibe and no spark between you two, you’re probably wasting your time.
It goes without saying that you can’t tell whether this person is your soulmate by the fifth date , but you can tell if there’s potential!
So if by, let’s say, your fourth date , you’re feeling zero sparks, take it as a red flag and end it before you waste any more of your time.
If the person is coming on too strong or if you’re not feeling comfortable and you are forcing yourself to go on the sixth date , it’s not worth the bother; even if it’s as early as the first date .
To The Woman Who Feels Like She’s At Her Breaking Point
September 7, 2020
If it feels unnatural, forced or awkward, just leave!
But if you’re past the fifth date stage and you’re feeling good about the whole thing, then by all means, keep at it! As long as the vibe is right and the person is making you feel good about yourself, you’re on the right track.
There is no way to know for certain whether this will turn into a serious relationship by the 5th date , but if you’re both enjoying your time together and you spend a lot of time laughing, there is definitely potential of taking it to the next level .
What Is The Point Of Life? Tips For Finding Your Purpose
Fifth Date Necessities – What To Expect
Okay, so you’re officially at the fifth date stage. At this point, the stakes are a little higher and expectations are slowly growing.
Now, you can start seeing this person as your love interest as opposed to someone you’re bound to break up with and vice versa .
Normally, you hear a lot of talk about the importance of the third date . But here’s why I put emphasis on the 5th date .
The third date is all about sex. There is so much pressure surrounding that particular date that it literally makes me feel like this is my first time dating.
What Is The Point Of Life? Tips For Finding Your Purpose
Is sex on the table? Is it off the table? Is the guy thinking the same thing? Am I making myself too paranoid? Should I just go back to online dating ?
Not to mention that if the sex happened , now you’re left wondering whether the person still wants to keep seeing you or if it was all about the sex. That’s why I’m putting greater importance on the fifth date .
If you’ve survived the slight awkwardness of the first date, successfully ended the second date and managed to get past the weirdness surrounding the third date, you’re (almost) in the clear!
By now, there are certain things you and your potential love interest should be on the same page on. You should both be aiming toward a committed relationship and have comfortable, fun and relaxing small talk .
The dates should be getting more and more fun now, as well as meaningful and with a sense of a deeper purpose. Each following date should be more relaxed and comfortable.
These are just some of the many other things you should be looking for by the 5th date ! Let’s check what else you should definitely be expecting by this point.
What Should You Look For?
Finally, we’re getting to the good part. Right now, there are certain things you should definitely be on the lookout for.
Never ignore the warning signs and always feel entitled to ask for these 7 things once you’re past the fifth date .
If you’re hoping for a serious relationship , these are the boxes that need to be checked:
1. You should be comfortable letting your guard down
Naturally, on the first couple of dates (especially the first date ), you’re going to make it a point to put your best foot forward and leave the best first impression. We all do.
You don’t want to show any shortcomings so you emphasize all the good while leaving all the bad for later.
But if you are aiming to have a serious relationship , at some point, you’re going to have to feel comfortable letting your guard down.
By the fifth date , you should feel comfortable not always being perfect in front of them. That includes having conversations about deeper stuff and possibly sharing things that aren’t that peachy.
If you want to get to know this person properly, you need to be ready to share more than just the good stuff. That means opening up and being genuine, all the while knowing that they’re not going anywhere.
If you can’t let your guard down by the fifth date , that says everything you need to know. I love a cute guy and a fun convo just like any other gal but if I can’t share myself in entirety, what’s the point?
2. They need to be fun
We all have our own idea of what fun means but the point is not to let someone who’s a total snoozefest keep you hoping for more when you know that they’re a lost cause!
You deserve a little fun in your life. You deserve to find someone who’ll make you genuinely laugh every now and again.
Chances are if they still haven’t made you truly laugh by the first couple of dates , it’s not going to happen!
Don’t let it go past longer than the fifth date if you’re not feeling the vibe .
Laughter is one of the key ingredients for a happy life and you’re entitled to someone who will constantly amuse you with their wicked sense of humor!
The spark doesn’t last forever. And that’s precisely why there needs to be a genuine connection and the ability to make each other laugh.
What will happen once you stop being wildly attracted to them after many years go by?
If there’s nothing making you stay after the initial lust wears down, you’re not really a match made in heaven.
3. They shouldn’t be coming on too strong
There should definitely be a line that your date shouldn’t cross as early as the 5th date . It’s okay to start opening up and sharing things but coming on too strong is a major turn-off.
There is a time and place for everything. You should look for a partner who will take things slowly and gradually.
Somebody who won’t overwhelm you with their deepest fears on the second date and tell you all about their messed-up family issues by the fifth date .
Once (if ever) you get to the point of a committed relationship , then it’s okay to delve deeper into your intimacy and share the things that make you feel exposed and vulnerable.
As for the fifth date , look for someone who’s chill and relaxed.
A person who doesn’t make you want to get up and run for your life but rather smile and enjoy the pleasant conversation that has the potential to turn into something deeper.
4. The conversation should be flowing
On the first couple of dates , the conversation is usually a bit more forced and rehearsed. It takes time before you truly get comfortable enough to let it flow as opposed to always filling the awkward silences.
And for the second date (or even the third date ), that’s quite normal. But when you get to the fifth date , the conversation should be becoming a little more natural and much less scripted.
If you’re still finding yourself wondering what you’re going to say next every time you’re done speaking, it’s a warning sign that you’re not with the right person.
Getting to the 5th date means that there’s something keeping you there. If it’s not quality conversation, what is it?
Never allow yourself to keep having scripted convos with anyone. Sometimes, it’s just not meant to be!
The conversation should be light, fun, natural and comfortable by the fifth date . If it’s not, you’re probably wasting your time.
5. There should be mutual interests
As you’re progressing, there have to be some shared interests that will keep you connected. It can be anything from the kind of music you both like to adventurous hobbies or cooking classes.
As long as it’s something that you’re both passionate about, it’s enough to sustain a budding romance.
Clearly, you don’t have to feel the same way about every single thing but there has to be something that glues you together.
If you want to start a serious relationship , you need something to base it on. It’s vital to find common ground. If you don’t, it will catch up with you at some point.
You should always stay true to yourself and not change who you are for anybody. If you keep forcing something that isn’t there, it’ll make you miserable later on.
Lust only takes you so far. A genuine connection is what propels relationships to move forward.
6. They should be grounded
The last thing you want is to be dating an arrogant know-it-all. They need to have humility. They need to be able to face their own shortcomings and be honest about who they are.
If you enter a serious relationship , conflict is inevitable to occur, which is why being humble and self-aware is crucial.
If they can’t admit when they’re wrong, how will you ever achieve an agreement on anything?
It’s true that you can’t really know for sure how grounded this person is by the fifth date but you can get a pretty good sense of how humble or egocentric they are.
The moment you start seeing red flags of a person who feels entitled or above you, run. You are looking for your equal, not someone who’ll keep making you feel small.
The fifth date is the perfect time to reevaluate where you are and how far you’re willing to let this go.
Trust your gut. If you’re sensing even the slightest signs of arrogance or pompousness, it’s time to let them go.
7. There should be shared values
For any serious relationship to truly stand the test of time, there have to be shared values.
By the fifth date , you probably won’t have discussed this topic thoroughly (there’s a time and a place for everything) but through conversation, you should get the gist of what they stand for.
If you sense that there are huge discrepancies in your values, trust your gut feeling. The worst thing you can do is brush off something as crucial as this.
By the fifth date , you will be able to tell if this person has the potential of being compatible with you values-wise. If that feels highly unlikely, that’s a huge problem waiting to happen.
You can ignore it now and think that it will all work out or you can be honest about what you’re looking for in a partner and admit when things go south. You deserve the full package, not someone you’re half -compatible with.
Your values are what make you who you are. Don’t ignore the warning signs of an impending disaster. Break up if things aren’t to your liking and if you feel like you’re on the same page, good luck with the sixth date .
Things might just work out for you two!
Your gut feeling will tell you everything you need to know before this person even gets the chance to. Listen to it!
The fifth date means you’re making good progress. Make sure it stays that way by never budging on the important things. You should never compromise who you are for the sake of a date.
You should never agree to let a cute person bore you to death just because you think you’d have gorgeous kids.
Life’s too short to be bored! Find a like-minded soul! Go for the one who cracks you up in the most unexpected situations!
Go on the sixth date only if there’s a genuine bond, good conversation and a light, comfortable atmosphere. Anything else, count your losses and go home.
There are plenty more fish in the sea if this person doesn’t check all of the aforementioned boxes.
Once you feel it in your bones, you won’t need anyone to tell you if there’s potential. You’ll just know!
Let the fifth date be your do-or-die. Are all of the boxes checked? Awesome, proceed to the sixth date ! But if they’re not, go find someone who’ll never make you question your compatibility for one second.
Life’s so much more beautiful with someone who just gets you!Fifth date: what should you be expecting by this point? Be sure to check these boxes before moving forward with your love interest. ]]>